![]() Then after a while, it occupies your mind less and less, and you move on to more fruitful things. Make space for the disappointment or grieving that’s natural when you let go of something that’s been important for you. You have surrendered in a healthy sense, you have given up. You might still have the wish that something work out, but you no longer feel driven, compelled, intense, fixed, caught up, identified, or strongly desirous about it. Or you could talk with a trusted being-perhaps a friend or therapist, or in your own kind of prayer-and explore the attachment, communicate your intentions to move on, and let it go. You could do a similar practice by writing a note about this attachment, and then tearing it up and letting its pieces fall away. ![]() Hold onto it hard let your desires and thoughts about it flow through awareness feel the costs related to it and when you’re ready, open your hand and drop it-and open as well to any sense of relief, freedom, ease, or insight. For example, put a small stone or other object in your hand and imagine that it is the thing you’ve been attached to. You can help yourself let something go by making it concrete. Be with these reflections-perhaps sitting quietly with a cup of tea, or in some place that is beautiful or sacred to you-and let their answers sink in. ![]() ![]() Exhale and relax and listen to your heart: What’s it telling you about this attachment? Are the conditions truly present to have it come true? Is it worth its costs? Is it simply out of your hands, so that your own striving-however well-intended, skillful, and honorable-just can’t make it so? You get to decide whether it’s best to keep trying, or time to let it go. Get some distance from it, as if you’re sitting comfortably on a sunny mountain looking down on a valley that contains this thing you’ve been holding onto. Step back from your situation, from whatever it is that you’re attached to, and try to hold it in a larger perspective. But to keep trying to grow corn in the Sahara-pick your own metaphor-when there’s little or no pay-off either present or in sight means that you are stressing yourself and probably others for little gain, plus wasting time, attention, and other resources that could be better invested elsewhere. It’s tough for me to accept that my efforts are not producing the results I want. These things are relatively straightforward to deal with, even though it could be difficult.įor starters, take a clear look at yourself. Some of the things we’re attached to are obviously problematic-and usually we know it, or could know it with a little reflection, such as self-critical thoughts, obsessions or compulsions, defensiveness about your issues, or drinking too much. It could be something you insist others do, such as make their beds, drive a certain way when you’re in the car, or meet particular goals at work. It could be a behavior, like such as jogging with aging knees, playing video games, or buying clothes. ![]() It could be a feeling, like a fear, grudge, resentment, longtime grief, or sense of low worth. It could be a desire, such as wishing someone would treat you better, pushing to make a project be successful, yearning for a certain kind of partner, or wanting to cure an illness. It could be a belief, perhaps that your hair is falling out and you are ugly and unlovable as a result, that you can’t say what you really feel in an intimate relationship, or that you must lose ten pounds to be attractive. We're pleased to bring you another installment of Rick Hanson's Just One Thing (JOT) newsletter, which each week offers a simple practice designed to bring you more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind and heart. ![]()
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